My Father

I miss my father or that bond I should have had with my father?
I met him once on the mid-seventies, twice if you seeing out in LI, NY.
He died broken and depleted never getting what he needed.
Alcohol coursing through his veins and morphing his disdain.
Before every action there is a thought.Be it walking to the liquor store or getting “relaxed” after work. You are looking to draw a heavy curtain on the thoughts. Thing with alcohol is that it’s readily available and has been with for eons. Actions are slave to thoughts and if you are a slave to alcohol you have a tertiary master. Soon the thoughts that let to the actions are numb but new ones to are there for you to succumb to, just alcohol induced.
I drink because ________ Everyone has a reason as to why they do.
Some have a reason as to why they do not stop.
Some forgot the road back others remember and never want to go back.
My father died broke/broken of Oral Cancer and for decades we had not spoken.

People

Amazing how when you move a way from people that scour your bliss and leave venom as they give you a kiss on the cheek.
I am trying to move away from people that would not pray for me but try and slay me in a heartbeat if they could get away with it.
Back stabbers and connivers…if you attack from behind kind and make it is a clean kill…if you wound me it is a death sentence for your last breath and repentance will not save you.

I want to meet you halfway

I want to meet you halfway.
But after that I want to go all way if you allow me stay.
I won’ do any harm you are my calm in this storm.
We will look into the future and it will be our past, we made it they said it could not last.
I want to hold on but I have to let go.
You are my earthly light and I just can’t hold on.
You have brighten my day and illuminated my night.
Gave euthanasia to my nightmares and enhance my daydreams.
I remember gasping for air and once I touched your lips despair was sent to foul lair.
I asked my lord for hope and felt he had not answered.
I sojourned through the valley and upon coming to the crest and feeling drawn and tired there you were my sunrise.
You blossomed into a new day.
And in my heart you stay with each rhythmic beat washing away all my past defeats.

I feel God is testing me.

I keep meeting people that do not like cameras anywhere near them.
I feel like chef and everyone is on a diet.
A painter without a canvas…the person that I paint with the available light and enhance to round out my vision.
It’s ok.
Hope is not something I see as an exit sign but something that carries me through the fire unscathed.
No pressure on you bebe, just sharing my thoughts.
I guess I should use my blog for that, ciao
Oh wait! I just did.
From my backyard.